


Paint

by legcabbage



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, POV First Person, hints of chuuves, hyejoo fights someone, side 2jin, squint for lipsoul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:22:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24103567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legcabbage/pseuds/legcabbage
Summary: Hyejoo tells the story of red, blue and green and Chaewon is willing to listen.or,Hyejoo got a new tattoo and Chaewon finally ask about it.
Relationships: Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin, Park Chaewon | Go Won/Son Hyejoo | Olivia Hye
Comments: 18
Kudos: 151





	Paint

**Author's Note:**

> my first time posting on here and shits so confusing lmao. i posted this on twitter already but I thought i might as well post it on here. 
> 
> this story is based on the song Paint by MoonMoon

Our bodies laid side by side on a mattress that was too small for two people, built solely meant for one person. But the girl next to me was so persistent to squeeze one more body with the excuse of how considerably small her body was. She hated talking about her size but she would alway use it to her advantage for situations like these. 

I didn’t mind. It’s cute to see the other girl become a thousand times softer at night. I simply scooted over to make room and let her crawl next to me, naturally wrapping my arms around her petite waist, and plop onto her side facing me. 

I had my eyes closed but I knew she was looking at me. With the amount of times she was always within my space, it was basically sixth sense that I can easily figure out her body language without having to look. 

We’ve been together for years now. 

She hasn’t said a word since she laid down. I’m curious to what she’s thinking about. Then I felt her hand move across the mattress and made contact with my other hand resting between us. Our hands naturally interlaced with one another. 

She still kept mum and silent. 

I was one to never push her to tell me what’s on her mind, because I’m the same as well. Instead I opted to patiently wait and have her tell me whenever she’s ready. I gripped her hand to send that nonverbal message to her. 

She seems to receive it when I hear her soft voice, a sound I never get tired of, barely above a whisper but still audible. 

“Why?” She asks. 

I felt her other hand placed on my jaw, gently caressing it, before lowering down to my neck, tracing the new 3 lines that marked my skin. 

I slowly opened my eyes and looked down at her face, her eyes full of innocent curiosity, gently lit by the lamp shade next to the bed. I traced the outlines of her features even in the dimly lit room and I still find her to be breathtaking. 

I knew her question meant no harm. She was genuinely curious. 

I remember the shock on her face when I came home two weeks ago with 3 lines on the side of my neck that went down to my collarbone.

A new tattoo. 

Lines painted in blue, red and green ink. 

I'm not the kind of person who explains everything I do, unless asked, but she never questioned me that day. She never asked why on my neck. Never asked why I chose blue, red and green as the colors. Never asked what it meant because she knows I only do things with meaning. 

Instead, she gave me a loving smile and a kiss on the cheek that day and complimented me that it was cute. I, of course, denied that. Cool should be the proper term. 

Now here she is, laying next to me, finally asking. 

Her hand was still tracing the lines with her fingertips, the touch soft on my neck. I always love the fact how everything she seems to touch was always gentle with the utmost care. 

Except whenever we play games and she’s mashing the buttons on the controllers, her competitiveness showing, determined to win and shove it in my face later. Or that one time she cooked chicken nuggets. That was a nightmare. 

I slowly open my eyes and look down to meet her curious orbs and I give her a small smile. 

“Finally curious?” I say with a small grin. She wordlessly nods, her strokes on my skin unending.

I inhaled and closed my eyes again, enjoying the sensation, and let out a breath. 

“It’s the colors I’ve felt throughout my life.” 

I opened my eyes and couldn’t help but let out a laugh at her face scrunched up with confusion. She tried to tilt her head but her movement was limited with her head rested on the pillow. 

That was my que. 

I glanced at the clock on the nightstand and came to the decision I can explain to her tonight. It was only a little past midnight anyways and we were completely free tomorrow. Not a problem. 

I pushed myself off from my resting position. She followed right after and the bed squeaked under us as we sat up into a much more comfortable position to talk. We’re sitting with our backs against the wall and curled her body against me, her head placed on my shoulder and playing with my fingers

“I’ll start off with blue.” I spoke and I heard her hum before I opened my mouth to explain the paint on my skin.   
  


* * *

**Blue** ****

I was always told I was mature for my age. As a child, I never understood what that meant. They say it was a good thing because I grew up to understand the world and it’s cruelties early, already building my walls up for any harm that came my way. Yet it leaves a pitiful hole in my heart.

Because maturing early means an exchange of having a fun childhood. Because as a child I was very unstable and it was not fun. Far from it. I learned it the hard way. 

Learned it from the fact that I never had a mom to care for me as I watched her run away with another man that was not my father. The reason why my father always came home drunk every night and me coming to school the next day with fresh new bruises that I hid so well beneath my black hoodie and pants. 

There were instances where the weather would be too hot for a hoodie, having no choice but to leave my arms bare and exposed and for kids to stare at me like I was an alien. 

Some brave kids would have the guts to ask me what happened but I would just simply say, “I fell off the swing.” and they leave it at that. I didn’t want to explain anyways. They wouldn’t understand. They were all too innocent to know. Except the teachers. But I didn’t care about the fact I could hear the teachers whispering and talking about me. I heard everything and I wondered how they became teachers. It’s whatever though. 

It didn’t bother me how the other kids didn’t want to sit with me in class. I could still shine without them even if things weren’t that great. In class, I would sit alone, happily coloring a cartoon wolf with a gray crayon that went beyond the lines. My hands were too shaky and sore but I still had fun. I love wolves. They became my favorite animal because they were strong and cool. I’d like to think I represent a wolf. 

Anytime away from the house I’d enjoy. 

Because coloring cartoon wolves was a lot better than a raised hand aimed at you. 

It wasn’t till I entered middle school that my mother contacted me for the first time. I got my first phone and received a friend request on social media. She asks me questions of how I am, how’s school, if I’m eating well, if I’m making friends. Simple questions. And all my answers were nothing but lies. 

I’m lonely. School’s boring. We’re running low on food. No one wants to be near me.

But she never asks questions about my dad. She didn’t ask how he’s doing. Probably because she already knows the answer. She avoided anything related to my dad. 

I never knew the story between them. But I don’t plan to anyway. I don’t think I wanna know. I have no use for that information. Things are better if I don’t need to know the full story of everything. 

She talks about how she wants to keep in touch with me. I just hummed and agreed just to appeal to her. That was another lie. 

Because after that call, I never contacted her again. I didn’t have the time nor did I want to. She was a stranger to me. I don’t like talking to strangers. 

I never had the luxury to relax. I rarely had the chance to have fun because my family is not that well off. While kids had cool games or toys, I had nothing except books I’ve read a million times. My phone was the first luxury item I received and it was from my grandparents. 

My dad’s job didn’t pay much which stressed him out. And when he’s stressed, he drinks. And when he drinks, he gets angry. And when he gets angry, he… you get the point. 

In high school, I still shined by myself. I spent most of my time in the library studying to get good grades or working multiple part time jobs that could help support me and my dad. I never held anything bad against my dad. Despite the harm, he made up for it by apologizing with tears in his eyes and making our meals regardless of how little sleep he gets. He was still a good father when he wasn’t drunk. It’s like he becomes a whole different person when he’s drunk. At least he was there in my life unlike my mother. He didn’t leave.

He got a lot better when I entered high school. The bruises stopped only because he tried not to drink anymore and I always came home late from work because I always like the night shifts. On the days he would get drunk, I would come in, almost 3am, and find him passed out on the couch, an empty bottle on the ground, and a wet spot on the couch where his head lays, a trail coming from his eyes.

He still hasn’t gotten over mom. It’s been years. He never remarried. 

I never had thoughts about my love life. I didn’t want to experience what dad is feeling. Also because I didn’t know how to love. I lacked that quality ever since my mom walked out on us and my dad was either drunk and angry or knocked out. He only shows that quality for a brief moment when he cooks our meals and then disappears to work for god knows how long. 

It’s fine though. I don’t think it's important. It’s meaningless if it just makes you feel like you’re worthless in the end. 

I was a senior in high school now. Older and wiser. But still empty and alone. Truly alone. Because after I walked across the stage to receive my diploma, I stood in the midst of the crowd of my classmates hugging and taking pictures with their parents, relatives and friends. 

While I had no one. 

It was unexpected. I was working my evening shift at the restaurant I part-time worked at when my pocket began ringing, a call from an unsaved number. 

I never drove so fast in my life that day. My dad passed out from exhaustion from work. He had to stay in the hospital for a couple of weeks before getting discharged. Then he collapsed again, for a different reason, and that was the last time.

It was three months before graduation that he passed away and he left me. Just like mom. 

I didn’t invite my mom to the graduation. Do I even call her mom? I don’t know about her whereabouts nor do I care. She’s a stranger. 

So I was alone at graduation. And decided that’s how my life will be. Alone. So I went home staring at the sky and was lost in my thoughts. 

The tears that spilled from my father when my mother left was blue. 

The bruises left on my skin were blue.

The rain that fell during my dad's funeral was blue. 

The cap and gown I wore was blue. 

The sky I stare up at to say “thank you” that never reached his ears is blue. 

My past was painted in a depressing blue. 

Blue was the color of my painful youth. 

* * *

**Red**

I recently dyed the tips of my hair a navy blue. It was an impulse decision since I wanted to change my hairstyle now I’m in college and moved in the dorms. I can do whatever I want. 

It took a while to leave the apartment but the nice landlord lady helped me sell the things I didn't need anymore. Which wasn’t a lot since we never had money to buy anything except for the essentials. Most of the furniture was part of the apartment so there was no reason to take that.

All I brought to my dorm was my clothes, my computer, and beddings. I wasn’t a materialistic person. Only buy things if I have a use for it. 

It turns out I share the dorm with two other people. Both older than me but friendly. Eventually, they became my first friends.

Ha Sooyoung was the oldest out of the three of us. She was kind of a bitch at first but it was just her sarcastic nature. But we eventually warmed up to one other after finding similar interests and sharing a difficult family past. She became like an older sister to me that I could look up to. I even developed some of my sarcasm from her. 

Choi Yerim was my age. She was a complete contrast of me. She was very bubbly and positive and very social. At first, Yerim was annoying with how much she talks or finds interest in the most random things, like how cockroaches are cute, which was kind of weird but I got used to it now because she’s actually pretty funny. But everytime she would go out, she’d try to drag either me, Sooyoung, or both of us with her. 

Yerim tried to drag me out the most because I spent my time lazing around the house like a fool. It was only rare occasions where I’d actually tag along with her to whatever adventure she had in mind. 

Usually Sooyoung would end up going with her the most because Sooyoung became interested in one of Yerim’s friends. A cute girl, twice as bubbly as Yerim, by the name of Kim Jiwoo. 

Which meant I could stay home and laze around or create music. I started having a liking for making music over the summer after graduating. I even took summer courses for music. It was like a natural hidden talent I discovered that I bought a separate computer that was solely meant for music because the other one was for school and for games whenever I had time to play. 

With my other computer, I created music with a mini midi keyboard plugged in. By my desk stood a microphone just in case I needed Yerim to come in and sing the demo track. I aspire to be a producer and Yerim wanted to become a singer. It works for both of us.

Yerim and I both shared a passion for music while Sooyoung had a passion for dancing (she’s a really amazing dancer, mind you. Sometimes she would teach me and Yerim her choreograph.) and, by her words, she also has the passion to get stupid drunk whenever she has the chance to. 

Sooyoung was a bad influence when it came to drinking but no one can blame her. College fucking sucks. 

In the afternoons, I would sing and compose songs. Sometimes Yerim would pop her head in my room and join me to brainstorm ideas. We make a great duo. 

At night, I would end up being in a drunken frenzy with a bunch of other underage college kids, Sooyoung's friends, outside at night. Just young adults who doesn’t know what the fuck they’re doing in life, drinking their sorrows away, having stress relief or just wanting to have fun under the stars in someones backyard. 

The first time I drank wasn’t very pretty. I remember accidentally throwing up all over the floor. Sooyoung never let me live after that. Before handing me a drink she’d always tell me “don’t spill.” in a teasing tone and I’d kick her ass. 

My tolerance got better the more Sooyoung dragged me and Yerim to the parties. Yerim takes timid sips before taking a cold can of orange Fanta from the cooler because she didn’t really like the taste of alcohol while I took shots after shots because I had nothing better to do. Might as well let myself loose. 

I started to have a little bit more fun. The past is the past and there was no point in remaining as the closed off person I used to be. I’d allow people to give me affection, which took awhile for me to get used to. Even my dad never gave me a kiss, let alone even a hug. 

But now I find myself with Yerim cuddling me on the couch or Sooyoung hugging me from behind before putting me in a chokehold. 

I wasn’t by myself anymore. I didn’t feel blue. 

I have to thank Yerim and Sooyoung for teaching me how to be social. But I kept my circle of friends minimal. 

I would eventually befriend Yerim’s or Sooyoung's friends because I see them more frequently with the amount of times I go to the hangouts. A small exchange of shy hello’s turned into roasting each other and laughing without a care in the world. We all formed our little group full of different personalities but managed to mix well with one another. 

Kim Jiwoo was the epitome of the sun. She uplifted everyone's mood with just a simple smile and a crinkle of her nose. She was very clingy to everyone and latches onto my arm when I would fall back behind everyone. It was funny to see the jealousy in Sooyoung's eyes when Jiwoo clung onto someone that wasn’t her.

Kim Hyunjin was chill. Kind of weird when she would make cat noises or bark at dogs we would pass by, but overall chill. Her roasts were probably, in what she says, the “spiciest” which is pretty much true. But the moment she gets loud and crazy, she doesn’t stop and it takes like 5 people to cover her mouth to shut her up. 

Jung Jinsol was unique. Always got into light banters with Sooyoung and calling each other idiots. She was slow to pick up things, we tell her she's a dumbass. yet she’s the smartest in math out of everyone. Every time she laughed, I couldn’t help but laugh as well because it was kind of funny. She has an amazing voice and I plan on having her sing one of my songs one day. 

Jeon Heejin was pretty. Very kind and popular with everyone at school. But the amount of times she throws a dad joke every 5 seconds makes me want to remove her off my friends list and throw her out the window immediately. I sometimes catch her throwing heart eyes at Hyunjin a lot frequently. Too bad Hyunjin is a nuthead and oblivious because she’s busy harassing people to show her pictures of their cats.

Kim Jungeun was like a grandma. We like to call her hag because she tends to nag a lot and none of us likes sleeping over at her house because she makes us go to bed at 10pm because “she needs her beauty sleep”. Who the fucks sleep that early? Despite her cool appearance, she actually gets flustered easily. Always red in the face when she drank too much, is the target of teasing, or when she was near Jinsoul. “Gay panic.” Yerim would say. 

Im Yeojin was a sneaky little brat. Pulls pranks on everyone, with Heejin occasionally joining in. Lately me and Yerim have been taking part in her tricks. We always got away with most of them because we’re the youngest. And no one can resist the powers of the maknae line. 

Wong Kahei was probably the most sane one. She was quiet but everyone loves her. It was an untold rule that Kahei must be protected at all cost. But we all learned not to make her angry ever since Sooyoung accidentally broke a lamp in her house during one of our hangouts involving alcohol (again) and all hell broke loose making Yeojin and Hyunjin cry, Jinsoul screaming in fear and Sooyoung with a dislocated shoulder.

Jo Haseul was caring. She took care of all of us and watched us from behind. She was like a mom. Well I wouldn’t know what it’d be like to have a mom but I imagine it’d be like how Haseul treats us. She was the only person I allowed to see me cry when I experienced heart broken from my first break up. 

It was hot that summer. We were all free from school for just a few months. Before that, I experienced love for the first time. It was a weird feeling. Unnatural. But it felt kinda nice. I met her through Heejin and Hyunjin. 

Her name was Shin Ryujin. 

A name I loved and hated at the same time. 

We were so in love with each other. At least that’s what I thought. 7 months into our relationship I caught her lip locking with some girl in the bathroom during a party in the summer that Sooyoung and the others dragged me to. 

My friends were furious when they found out. They took me away from that party to crash at Jinsouls house and we all drank away under the stars once again. My heart was shattered but I kept my emotions in tack, keeping a straight face throughout the night. I never liked showing any troubles I was going through.

Until I ran into Haseul inside the house and she took me somewhere private to talk and I couldn’t hold it in anymore when she kept looking at me the same way my dad looked at me before leaving me for good. So I cried on her shoulder. It was surreal to hear my own sobs. I don’t remember when was the last time I cried or if I even cried at all before. The sadness I felt seeing Ryujin cheating but also the regret and pent up stress from holding my emotions from childhood finally revealed on Haseuls soaked shirt. 

Getting cheated on. Now I understood what dad must’ve felt when mom walked out on us.

I don’t want to experience it again. I don’t want to experience love. 

Heartbreak sucks. It changes people. 

I became more annoyed at people. I stopped playing pranks with Yeojin. I stopped laughing at Heejin’s terrible dad jokes. I stopped going out with Yerim and Sooyoung.

But the one time I finally came to the hangout, with Yerim’s persistent begging and her promise to buy me food, I was met with an already drunk Jungeun leaning against the wall outside the backyard. She was holding on to Jinsoul for support.

“Guess who finally showed up! Can’t believe you were heartbroken over that bitch that you avoided us. Pfft, pathetic. Grow the fuck up.” Jungeun's words were slurred. She was clearly drunk, the alcohol messing up her system already. 

I clenched my fist and narrowed my eyes at her. Something went off in me and I angrily shoved Jungeun to the ground, shouting profanities at her. She shouted back at me as well but her words were just a jumbled mess. Hyunjin and Sooyoung had to hold me back to prevent me from throwing any punches. 

I know I shouldn’t have gotten angry at her. Everyone knows Jungeun had no filter when she got drunk. She meant no harm. She was kind of right. 

We both apologized a few days later. Jungeun gave me a long warm hug which I gladly returned. It became a joke between us. Something we laughed together when we would drink again. “You better not swing at me.” “Say some dumb shit and we’ll see.” 

After that, I started to become my normal self once again and laughed with Heejin when she shouts “GAY!” in her deep voice at the sight of Jiwoo hugging a blushing Sooyoung, who tried to not make it obvious she enjoyed the contact.

College started back up again and the will to continue school was becoming unbearable. Yerim and Sooyoung felt the same. It was still bright outside but I was tired. So I laid down and thought back on the events of college that were strikingly different from daycare to high school.

The color of our eyes after a sleepless night of doing homework was red.

Our cheeks when one of us experienced love was red. 

My heart, before it was broken, was red.

My vision when I got angry at Jungeun was red.

The summer that was hot every year in drunken stupor was red.

Red was the color of my hazy adulthood. 

* * *

**Green**

We were all gathered around a table in the cafeteria. The table was obviously too small for all of us that at least 3 of us had to stand. I didn’t partake in any of their conversations since I had my earphones in, replaying the recent track I composed the other day to find what I can do to improve it. 

My chin was propped against the palm of my hand while my other hand tapped the table to the beat of the song, lost in my train of thoughts. 

It wasn’t till my attention was broken away to the loud voice of Jiwoo entering the cafeteria shouting. Her voice was pretty loud considering I could hear it through my earphones on max volume. 

Our table, as well as many others, turned to look at Jiwoo who was skipping while dragging another girl behind her who was struggling to keep up and Jiwoo did not slow down. In fact she just fastened her pace when she found our table, not minding the stares she got from other students. 

Jiwoo seemed like she wasn’t coming to a stop anytime soon so Sooyoung, like always, placed a hand in front of her and Jiwoo skidded to a stop. After calming down Jiwoo clapped her hands together. 

“Guy’s I’d like you to meet my friend! She recently transferred here so be nice or someones gonna die!” Jiwoo cheerfully says. Everyone ignored her threat because she’s too sweet to actually destroy us. If anything her way of murdering someone is with fun. 

The blonde girl behind her, wearing an oversized hoodie, too big for her size, poked her head out from behind Jiwoo and smiled shyly. “Hello, I’m Park Chaewon. I hope we can become friends.” 

We all greeted her happily (I just waved my hand) and we even made space for her to sit down even though adding one more person was already pushing the seating capacity. All of our hips were basically touching at this point and it was highly uncomfortable. Chaewon ended up sitting between me and Heejin and smiled at me while I just simply nodded my head at her and continued listening to music while the others striked up a conversation with her. 

Chaewon managed to fit into our friend group prettily easily. Turns out she was twice as sarcastic as Sooyoung and sassy. She’s also a little bit of a narcissist and it doesn’t help that half of the group hypes her up. Yeojin would always say, “Fuck it up, Kenneth!” but like, who the fuck is Kenneth? We’re all gay here why are boys being mentioned? 

But occasionally I’d be part of that half because I have to admit Chaewon is pretty. Like… really pretty. Yerim would point out that I was apparently staring at her too long to be considered not gay followed up with Heejin mouthing the words “gaaaay”.

I don't know what she’s talking about. 

It was late at night and I decided to go on a walk. I made sure to let Yerim and Sooyoung know because they get pretty butthurt if I leave without telling, before taking my journal and pen with me and leaving the dorm. They always questioned me why I always went for a walk at this time but I responded simply because I like it. 

I walked in silence, occasionally opening my journal to write words, phrases, anything that came to mind, in the midst of my messy pages. This journal contained everything personal to me. Things I never tell anyone about. 

I wrote down lyrics that came to mind. Any personal troubles when I’m anxious. Sometimes I write about my dad or moments I long for like having a mom, a love life, or having my music out in the world for people to listen to. 

But I longed for peace the most. 

I stopped by the park to lay down on the grass and stare up at the stars, with the journal rested on my chest. Sometimes I come across many moments where I don’t know how I’m going to live this life. I wanted to give up entirely. Was there anything worth living for?

I thought I really became an adult when I entered college but nowadays when things get overwhelming I can’t help but feel like a little kid who wants to cry because things aren’t going my way or didn’t get what I want or even when I accidentally bruise myself because it brings back bad memories. 

I was helping Hyunjin and Heejin move into their new apartment. Thankfully, Hyunjin stopped being a nuthead and turns out she reciprocated Heejin’s feelings. It’s just Hyunjin doesn’t make it obvious like Heejin. They’ve been together for quite a while now that they decided to live together. I decided to help them move their things and apparently Jiwoo, Sooyoung and Chaewon were there too. 

I tripped over something that I didn’t notice in front of me because of the box blocking my view. I fell and scraped my knee but thankfully the box I carried didn’t contain any fragile items. Just books that probably belong to Heejin. Hyunjin was too much of a dumbass to be literate. She said so herself. 

That fall actually hurt that I almost cried. _Almost._ I’m not a child anymore to be crying over a scraped knee. Instead I curse at myself for deciding to wear shorts today instead of my usual jeans. 

Chaewon saw me while going down the stairs and quickly ran over to check if I was okay. Her eyebrows were furrowed with worry and asked if I was okay. Seeing the bruise on my knee, she searched for something in her pocket before pulling out what seems to be a band aid. 

I smirked at the idea of her carrying pocket full of band aids because we all learned that Chaewon is pretty clumsy and always ends up hurting herself. 

She placed the band aid over my knee (it didn’t cover the bruise up entirely) and gave my leg a couple of gentle pats before helping me up. I told her thank you and she smiled which did wonders to my heart. 

I haven’t dated or found another crush ever since the situation with Ryujin. I was afraid of experiencing another heartbreak. 

But I decided I should give love another chance. 

We’re all gathered at Jiwoo’s house for another hang out. But this time she put a strict rule of no drinking because she wants everyone to have fun while sober once in a while. Sooyoung was disappointed but cheered up once Jiwoo kissed her on the cheek. I worry that Sooyoung might die from a stroke from alcohol consumption or Jiwoo. Maybe both.

So here we are. Some of us were in the backyard throwing a frisbee’s back and forth between one another while the rest were inside playing video games in the living room or stealing food Jiwoo’s pantry

I was in the living room absolutely destroying everyone on Smash Ultimate because I’m a god at games. I landed a hit on Yeojin’s character, Donkey Kong, and watched her blast off the screen and smirked when she started screaming about how unfair I was. Yerim had to comfort the other girl. 

Victory was near and I smiled to myself. 

Until Player 4, Palutena aka “godwon”, side B’s my character off the map and I hear a squeal and “assa!” next to me. Her arms were raised up in the air with a huge smile. 

Usually I would snap at whoever the winner was, my pride hurt, but I held back this time because I always liked to see her smile. Palutena seems to suit her because Chaewon was like a goddess. Chaewon always seemed to light up any environment she was in. Although Chaewon resembles more towards Kirby. Her reaction when I told her before the match started was priceless. My shoulder still stings. 

I gave her a fist bump to congratulate her on her victory and she returned it, with her cute, small “yay!”. 

The next couple weeks consisted of me laying restlessly in bed and not being able to sleep. It’s hard when my thoughts always drift off to the blonde girl who somehow makes my heart beat faster but also makes me calm. She gave me peace but also made my head run frantic. Is that possible?

I pushed myself up from my bed and decided to make music since I won’t be sleeping for a while again. Pulling my chair and sitting down I took my journal out the drawer of my desk. 

But I stared at the color. Realizing how I encountered this color more times than I expected. 

The journal I carry that holds all my anxiety and the musical poetry was green. 

Grass where I laid down to find my self-worth was green 

The band aid that covered my scraped knee was green. 

Player 4 who annihilated my ass during Smash was green.

The peace I finally felt inside was green.

Green was the color I felt around her.   
  


Park Chaewon was the peaceful green I longed for. 

* * *

I opened my eyes and stared at the wall in front of me. My eyes drift to scan the room. It was the same set up when I was in college except my work area was upgraded. A bigger computer screen and more equipment. Off to the side was a keyboard, connected into the computer, and a couple of guitars. 

It was quiet minus the sounds of our light breathing. For a moment I thought she fell asleep but then I felt her grip my hand tightly and a tiny giggle escaped her lips before she shifted her head beside me.

I turned to look to my side to see her staring intently into my eyes. I held her gaze for a moment before she wraps her arms tightly around me. I sigh contently from her warmth and hugged her tiny frame. It surprises me sometimes how she’s older than me. 

“I love you, Hyejoo.” She mumbles into my neck. I could feel her peppering small kisses on my jaw and where the lines are marked. It tickled. 

I laughed and caressed her head before I put a finger under her chin up to press a kiss on her lips, “I love you too, Chaewon.”

We stayed in that position, holding each other close and staring at each other, before she loosened her grip and settled back into her previous position, head on my shoulder but her arm still wrapped around my waist. 

I laid my head against hers and felt my body relax, breathing in her scent. Chaewon had that effect on me and I couldn’t be more grateful. I felt at peace around her. 

“Do you feel green?” She says, when she noticed how I slump my body on her, with a light giggle. 

I snorted at her joke. Heejin needs to stop rubbing off on her. I pulled her closer to my side, which wasn’t much considering our bodys are pressed together, to plant a kiss on the crown of her head. “When I’m with you? Hmm…” She was looking at me expectantly. “No, you’re kind of a chaotic. Far from peaceful.” 

I groan when she lands a punch to my gut. She created space between us and was glaring at me but I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. Chaewon was too cute to be scary. 

I smiled before I pulled her in by the arm to peck her lips. “ I’m kidding. You make me feel a lot of things, but happiness and love is definitely number one.” 

I could see the flash of surprise on her face that started to turn red. I felt my body get pushed onto my back and felt a weight as she laid on top of me, hiding her face into my chest. She was probably embarrassed as she was mumbling words that sounds like “stupid” “stop being so cheesy” and “so annoying”. I adjusted both of our bodies so we were properly laying down side by side. 

I put my arms around her and held her close to me, her head laying on my chest, while I massaged her head and rubbing circles on her back. She enjoys the feeling that I could see her eyes fluttering closed but tried to fight the sleep away. 

“Go to sleep, Wonnie.” 

“Hmm… Goodnight, Hye.” She mumbled, finally giving up and succumbing to sleep. With closed eyes, she pressed a chaste kiss on my lips before resting her head on my arm, entangling her legs with mines and drifted off to dreamland.

I smiled as her breathing started to even out and light snores were heard, watching the slow rise and fall of her shoulders. 

Never have I felt more sure how to live on. For my friends, who pulled me out of the dark. For Chaewon, who loves me unconditionally. For myself, who can shine the brightest than before. 

On my neck were three lines. The colors I felt until now. The thoughts that I’ve kept for a long time. The lines are painted in blue, red and green. Out of the colors, I liked green the most. It reminded me of Chaewon’s oversized hoodie when I first met her. The peace I felt when she kissed me for the first time.

But a new color is starting to replace green. Because now, my favorite colored line is a yellow line, representing happiness and warmth. 

  
  


The line wasn’t on my neck.

But it’s the gold band wrapped around Chaewon’s left ring finger that shone in the moonlight. 

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed that because i wrote this in the middle of the night at 2 am lmaooo
> 
> follow me on twitter @httphyewonz ;D


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